USB TURNTABLE IS an ungodly oxymoron. Plug these record players, often tarted up in retro cases, into a computer, and you can turn the audio from your vinyl records into digital files. The sound quality is usually terrible (especially the bass response), and garbage electronics make the digital transfers sound hideous. Worse, these plastic monstrosities are preloaded with crude styli that plow through the grooves of your precious records like chisels. If you want to listen to your LP collection at the gym, you’re better off paying for the lossless digital downloads and saving yourself some aggravation.